Honesty

There are many pet causes and personal wars in which I gladly volunteer to fight, but depression, The Big D, The Big Black, The Black Dog, is one that is close to my heart. Unfortunately. It's sort of like that mole that the doctor says would hurt more to remove than leave there. Only he doesn't mention that leaving it there makes you want to jump off a cliff. Now that's what I call a win-win situation, right there.

My point? Depression has robbed me of so much. No scratch that. So freakin' much. The list is too long and sordid to go into but suffice to say, I shall never win the war, but I do occasionally kick depression's ass in a battle. But in recent weeks, it has been it's turn to reciprocate the steel-toed boot in my ass. And boy does that sonofabitch hurt. It has tried its damnedest to take away my peace of mind, my joy, my accomplishments, my sense of self. Well, today, munitions, supplies and backup managed to punch through and aid me when I needed it most. Music, physical activity and connection with my critique partner. They helped me.

Depression, Mr. D, may have me in his clutches again. As a matter of fact, it is inevitable. But not today. Today, I was a feather's width ahead of him. Today, I danced circles around him. Today my smile blinded his black eyes.

Today--is mine.

So, in the spirit of things, here's a video of a performer singing a song that fits the theme of this post. I could be phony and just post when things are happy and shiny but that's not me. Good, bad, ugly--that's honesty.

Tired and Moody

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm not exactly depressed but I feel moody and tired. I feel groggy like I can't get woke up.

I'm being torn in two different directions creatively and am starting to feel both story ideas SUCK. So I don't know which one to work on.

I've got a deadline here people and I think my Muse is on vacation!

Grrr...

Funkin' PMDD

I HATE the four or five days before my menstrual cycle.

As many as 3-8% of women may have a more severe condition called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). PMS and PMDD are not the same. Women with PMDD become seriously depressed for a week or more before their periods.

A woman may have PMDD if she has 5 or more of the following symptoms during the premenstrual week and for most cycles during the past year:

Depression (feeling despair or hopelessness, not just sadness)
Anxiety (keyed up, on edge)
Severe mood swings (feeling suddenly sad or extremely sensitive to rejection)
Anger or irritability
Decreased interest in usual activities (work, school, friends, hobbies)
Difficulty concentrating
Decreased energy
Appetite changes (overeating or cravings for certain foods)
Sleep problems (can’t sleep or wake up early, or oversleeping)
Feeling overwhelmed or out of control
Physical symptoms, such as bloating, breast tenderness or headaches

Sick

I'm sick of being sick!

Twice in one month.

Jeez.

Can one human body really contain that much snot?

Whilst in a foggy cold medicated haze, I submitted something substandard to Phaze and got rejected all in a matter of two or three hours. I had too beefy a story to be contained within a short story's parameters. But the good news is I now understand what they're looking for with the HeatSheets. So all is not lost.

Also, Ellora's Cave has a specific call for submissions that I didn't know about until a day or two ago. I don't know yet if I will try for any of these, but I have a little time to decide.

Meanwhile, I'll just keep blowin' my spooky honker.

Computer Virus Pt 2

Is there something in the water?

I had another stomach "thing" for a several days last week and am unsure if I'm over it yet. My husband handed me a couple of cold pills and I begrudgingly took them only to have them work.

Cold pills for a stomach "thing"? Okie-dokie.

At any rate, the whole "thing" has left me in this weird non-creative mood. I am storyboarding but I haven't really written in days and days. My writer group probably thinks I'm a total Frosted Flake. I would have preferred them find that out a little later.

Computer virus

All this week I've had some yucky virus.

First my mom had it, then my husband, then me, then my grandfather. Nothing like the family sharing a good ol' puke n poop cootie. I've been dehydrated for days, slurping down Powerade and sleeping like Rip Van Winkle.

Worse than that is the undeniable fact that its ruined my momentum. I haven't written anything in days. I'm doodling notes and brainstorming, but as for sitting down, typing words together to form sentences, paragraphs and finally pages is--well, just not happening.

The only good thing to report is that the website is looking better and better all the time. I can't wait to start using it, telling people I'm out there on the web and adding a link to it in my e-mails.

Groovin'

The writing gods and goddesses have been good to me lately. The only reason why I can figure is that pound of flesh I left at the dermatologist's office when he whittled away at my finger with a razor blade. I guess that qualified as a human sacrifice.

I hardly miss the finger, by the way...

...kidding.

I've kept busy on three short works that have a real shot at being in print. I re-named them and am currently at work on expanding them. The feedback has been positive and couldn't have made me feel better. Joining a critique group was also a good idea. All their criticisms were legit and insightful.

Even better, the trilogy has inspired a spin-off that could be as equally promising.

I'm still vacillating on whether to enter the Siren contest. I don't want to split the trilogy and feel that the editor at Liquid Silver was right about expanding the stories.

I'll probably pass Siren up as well as Liquid's Zodiac contest and just submit them at a later date when they're all they can be rather than squeeze them into strict guidelines and parameters.

Phaze has a September contest I'm considering but the word count limit is 12K. That's awful short but I may shoot for it anyway. Worst I can do is miss.